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Jeremy Bass16 Jun 2009
NEWS

MINI D: The little car that could

It's nostalgically pretty. It's practical - for a limit of two. And it lives up to the billboard claims

A few days after the Follow the MINI trip's conclusion in Perth, I'm back in the comfort of my study on a rainy, winterish day in Sydney and it's come time to reflect on the ride. How well does BMW's little car fulfil what is essentially a big car's function?

The answer, in short, is that it does it well... for a small car.

It's easy to get confused trying to define this as a small or large car. In the context of today's marketplace, it's small. Next to the car that inspired it, it's big. On the outside at least. When you start trying to put more than two people in it, it becomes rather small. Smaller, indeed, than the old Mini for its people capacity. For a trip like this, its limit-of-two kind of small.

But when you look at the fuel consumption figures -- the real world fuel consumption figures, and what it achieves with a litre of fuel -- it becomes a rather large car again. The way I look at it, anyway, porting 250kg of flesh, blood, half digested meaty breakfasts, technology, hot air and memories of 1970s prog-rock across the nation in six days is a big car's job. At least if no one is to go insane. It achieved all that while using 4.4L/100km of fuel.

MINIs new and old
At the AUnited event from which we set forth, there were many Minis (old) and many many MINIs (new) all over Harold Park. It was useful seeing old and new parked nose to nose and side by side to visualise the difference in size.

The 1959 Morris Mini Minor was 10 feet 0.25 inches (3054mm) long, 4 feet 7.5 inches (1410mm) wide and 4 feet 5 inches (1346 mm) high, with a wheelbase of 6 feet 8 inches (2032mm).

Its 848cc transverse SOHC four shunted its 1380lb (626kg) mass to 60mph in 29.5sec, which we'll call 100km/h in 30sec (it wasn't long, incidentally, before it was dropping below half that).

At 3709mm long, the 2009 MINI Cooper D is 21 per cent longer. It's 25 per cent wider at 1684mm, yet, at 1407mm, only a tiny bit taller.

And even though it weighs in a massive 75 per cent heavier at 1090kg, its 1.6-litre common rail turbodiesel gets it to 100 km/h in 9.9 seconds. Bear in mind, too, that this is the econoMini -- for those whose priorities lie elsewhere, there are John Cooper Works models that will take you to 100 in closer to six seconds than ten.

The new Mini also bears a 21 per cent wheelbase advantage over the old Mini. Yet the first thing people who know the old model say when they look at the new is "How come there's no leg room in the back? The old one had so much."

It's true. The Mini was popular among youngsters in its day not just because it was cheap but because you could fit two or three of your mates in the back. Even if you were stacking them on top of each other to fit the hips, there was plenty of room for legs.

Two's company, three's simply not possible
My friend Jane wanted to come for the first couple of days of this trip. It made sense on several fronts. It would be useful to see what it's like with someone in the back seat. It would give us an idea of the D's road behaviour and fuel economy under load. It would give us a third driver, reducing the demands on me and Muttley. And we'd get first-hand feedback on it from someone bang in the middle of the car's target demographic: a thirtysomething professional woman.

Sure, I said. Then, a few days before we were to set off, one proper look inside a Mini and I was calling her to say sorry, no go. With the front seats set to give an average-sized driver and front passenger the leg room essential on a long run like this, it wouldn't fit a five-footer, let alone someone who's nigh on six as she is. This wasn't a question of mere comfort. It was a matter of possibility.

More again when you take a look behind the back seat. Despite all the aforementioned differences, one dimension of the old Mini that lives on in the new is boot volume. Okay, it's a hatch now, and it has a splitfold rear seat. But Muttley's medium-sized suitcase and his slim Macbook took up the entire boot. I would have been lucky to cram my toothbrush and floss in there.

Once I was installed, the entire back seat was full of my overnight bag and daypack, my laptop and Muttley's camera bag. There wasn't room for another person's daypack, let alone its owner.

Practicality: the eternal price of style
How much should any of this count against the Mini? It is, after all, a small car. But there are small cars that score much better on this front. You can fit four adults in a Honda Civic Type R and even a Jazz with nothing but praise coming from the back seat.

Then there's Hyundai's i30 CRDi -- very roomy, very well made and very well equipped; full-sized spare included. And while they don't lay claim to the title of Australia's most fuel-efficient car, you can buy a shirtload of diesel for the $10,000 price gap.

It's a matter of working out how much Euro-retro cachet does for you. That is, mind you, a cachet born of nostalgic good looks, terrific road manners, fun at the wheel and -- in spite of interior constrictions -- well integrated form and function.

Indeed it's the success with which it integrates form and function that has made it such a sales success compared to Volkswagen's rather flash-in-the-pan New Beetle (and a fair number of other retro-inspired models, too, for that matter).

The reason lies in basic shape, alluded to by one popular nickname for the original Mini -- 'the brick'.

Today's Mini is something of a brick, too. One element of the original that BMW has preserved is the upright little windscreen and side windows. That's useful not only for reasons of spiritual succession but in keeping it nice and roomy in the turret.

Establishing the difference in the case of Mini versus New Beetle (or the box-shaped Golf from which the New Beetle hails, for that matter) is as simple as taking a half-cubic box -- say 60cm by 60cm by 30cm -- in your left hand, and a hemisphere with a 30cm diameter in your right hand. Which one has more volume?

Box: 108 litres. Hemisphere: 56.556 litres. Box wins. That's a lot of why so many VW loyalists buy Golfs, and why so many retro-chicists buy new Minis.

There's another benefit to the Mini shape, too. The lack of rake in the front and rear windscreens can only be of massive benefit in minimising what architects call solar radiation ingress. That is, the more horizontal the window, the greater the hothouse effect.

It's a pity, then, about the lack of a full-shade blind on the Mini's vast panoramic double sunroof. Yes, it has a mesh blind. But by Ceduna, fed up with the sun coming though it and sneaking in over the top of my sunnies, I bought myself a hat. A tighter mesh or a full blind would be a useful option.

On the upside, they've done a good wind-tunnel job on the sunroof. Fully open, we found it laudably quiet and draughtless. And we applaud thoughtful touches like the separate sun visor on the driver's side window.

Then there's the matter of safety
There's good reason for the difference in size-to-space ratios between old and new Minis. There's already been plenty written on the new Mini's safety makeup, enough for me not to have to repeat it in detail here. Suffice to say that should you reach that point when it all goes into slow motion as you hurtle towards possible oblivion, you'll be glad you're in today's Mini and not yesterday's. You need only park on a slope and struggle with those unfeasibly heavy little frameless doors to know that you're sitting in a top-quality playpen. They're annoying but reassuring.

For long trips like this, excellent ventilation and climate control are not just useful but prospective life-savers too. Fresh air is one of the most important weapons in keeping fatigue at bay and on flow-through setting the Mini's ventilation keeps the cabin full of fresh air while its climate control system is strong enough to keep it at just the right temperature.

On recirculate, it does an equally good job of sequestering you away from the black clouds emanating from that much dirtier diesel truck in front.

Road noise on coarse-chip tar gets tedious on long runs. It's enough to hinder conversation -- M: "Whut?" J (cupping hands round mouth): "I said it's it a bit f%*king noisy on the road!!" -- and intrude on quality time with the radio when you've given up conversing.

A beautiful thing
But if the reconstituted Mini brand has an overarching raison d'être, it's style.

There was a moment somewhere along the way when, walking towards the open driver's door at dusk, I caught the D's dash bathed in the deep blue of its gimmicky variable-shade overhead mood lighting. It struck me as a beautiful thing.

This is an affordable buy-in for young to the romance of a bygone age in a faraway place -- of Carnaby Street, of Terence Stamp and Jean Shrimpton, of the Beatles and the Kinks (yes, yes, there was Vietnam and Altamont and Myra Hindley as well, but what is this if it's not an exercise in the cleansing of history?)stirred in neatly with all the modern conveniences of 21st century motoring.

Inside and out, the new Mini parlays the essential linguistic elements of Issigonis's original design into a car that realistically fulfils the much higher expectations of 21st century consumers. Including, in the case of the D, with an engine whose exhaust smells more like baking day at the cake shop (no, really) than a diesel.

What is this if it's not a tribute to globalisation and a perfect piece of -- dare I say it without sounding like a wanker -- postmodern design. A peculiarly British symbol of high modernism, reconstituted by a German company into a car built in Britain using French engines.

It's one of those unusual examples of the pastiche that's better than the original.

For BMW, it's gold. Car companies angle for brand loyalty a bit like television networks angle for 6pm news ratings. They start early, grabbing viewers with the right lead-in program/s in the hour before the news begins. This, they hope, will have the punters tuned in and happy to stay where they are when news time comes along. If they achieve that, there's a good chance they're in for the evening. Until Two and a Half Men comes on...

In carland, the theory is if you get 'em young, you have a much better chance of keeping them for life. Mini is BMW's way of snatching the young -- a terrific way to carry BMW's brand values downmarket without diluting the blue propeller's brand equity.

Like Toyota with Lexus, they've struck a fine balance between brand connection with the parent company and brand independence. It doesn't look like a BMW, but everyone knows it's made by BMW so it must be a cheap way to buy into the things that make BMWs so good.

Here's hoping one day BMW will want to do the same thing with a 330d.

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Written byJeremy Bass
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