MINI Clubman ALL4 2016 Review

MINI Cooper SD Clubman ALL4
International Launch
Hamburg, Germany

Far from MINI’s best work, this car smacks of several marriages of convenience converging on one lump of metal that could only possibly be of interest to only a handful of people. It’s not a car that steers well, goes well or can hope to support MINI’s increasingly preposterous claims of “go-kart handling”. But it is practical, by MINI standards.

The argument goes something like this: Eventually, most MINI hatch owners will start a family, get a dog or succumb to family members demanding a holiday longer than three days.

Those people will need something bigger and more practical than a MINI hatch and, for one reason or another, some of them won’t want the five-door Countryman crossover. (Fair enough, the Countryman is in its final year, with its replacement on track to be shown at November’s Los Angeles motor show.)

For people who fit this bill, there’s the six-door Clubman, with its two doors on each side and another two at the back.

But, for reasons even MINI can’t lucidly explain, some of those Clubman fans will demand even further specialisation, which brings us to this, the Cooper SD version of the Clubman All4.

It uses a redeveloped version of the Countryman’s all-wheel drive system and mates it to either this turbocharged 2.0-litre four-cylinder diesel motor or the Cooper S’s 140kW petrol four.

MINI’s rationale for giving the world an all-paw version of the Clubman is that it improves acceleration and agility and delivers some winter-road security, but does it? Er, no, no, and TBA.

It’s been a long, long time since MINIs were actually mini, but the original Clubman Estate weighed less than 700kg and this one weighs 1465kg dry (or 1540kg on the heavier EC standard).

Still, the only upside of that is that the SD diesel is only 5kg heavier than the automatic-transmission version of the Cooper S petrol car, but it’s at least two of the original Clubmans in mass.

It’s, of course, a lot bigger. It’s a full 56cm longer than the last Clubman and doesn’t have its silly asymmetric doors. Instead, it’s got a pair of equal-sized doors that meet in the middle and open, one after the other, via a button push on the key. They’re fairly hefty things to manually close again, though.

They also score a pair of kooky tail-lights, which have been designed so well as tail-lights that they don’t actually function at all until night-time.

EU laws dictate that the major functional lights must be visible with the car’s openings in any position (a rule which also killed clamshell bonnets), so the brake lights are actually in the bumper and up on the roof. Not only are they an acquired taste to look at, for most of the car’s life, they’re also redundant.

You can also avoid looking at them by towing something, and MINI claims the SD can manage 750kg without trailer brakes and 1500kg with them.

But the core of this car is the addition of its all-wheel drive system. It’s a hang-on system, with a single-stage power take off (PTO) bevel gear and a clutch pack that’s linked to the car’s skid-control systems.

MINI claims this makes the car more agile because it can operate predictively, sending just the right amount of drive to each axle when it’s needed.

In truth, the car runs as a front-drive most of the time, with its rear axle disconnected, and then seems to take an age to reconnect when it’s asked to go to work. MINI says it sends a precise amount of drive to the rear axle even before it’s needed, but that’s not how it felt on our drive.

It felt like you got either understeer or torque steer from the front first, well before the rear-end contributed anything useful and only later on, after the moment had passed, could you feel its drive contributions coming into play.

First there’s understeer, then there’s a distinct ah-hah point from the powertrain beneath you, then no more understeer. You could feel something else about it, though. Weight.

The car is so big (4253mm long and 1800mm wide, with a 2670mm wheelbase) that it does a very good job of dulling the performance traits of the 2.0-litre turbo-diesel SD motor. Effectively, it’s the same beneath the skin as the BMW 2 Series Active Tourer, so it’s big.

The pure numbers still say it will run out to 222km/h and pull 7.2 seconds in a sprint to 100km/h (just 0.3 seconds off the petrol-powered Cooper S version), but it doesn’t feel that way on the road.

This is an engine dominated by its torque curve, even though it revs out to around 5000rpm. There is 400Nm of torque here, and it arrives at 1750rpm and sticks around until 2500rpm, while the 140kW of power hits at 4000rpm.

The eight-speed automatic transmission is quick enough and smart enough, too, with two over-driven gears for fuel economy and highway noise levels, and an overdriven sixth.

But the Cooper SD Clubman ALL4 feels like it does an excellent job of being the final link in a chain that turns millennia-old crude oil into a deep, purposeful noise and not so much acceleration.

Part of that is due to the early hit of torque, leaving the engine lacking any linearity in its performance delivery as the revs rise higher. Part of it is due to the car’s fundamental ability to carry reasonable static-state corner speed. But most of it is that the motor is (like the suspension) in constant combat with the mass and doesn’t always win.

MINI claims it will pull a neat 4.0L/100km on Europe's NEDC cycle, emitting 126g/km of CO2.

The other area of major frustration is the car’s handling package. Left to its own devices in its default mode, the Cooper SD Countryman ALL4 frankly feels a bit of a mess.

The steering is overly light and abjectly refuses to self-centre, which leaves you correcting its wandering nose more often than you would a cocker spaniel puppy. The steering has an odd weighting to it, feeling like you have to force it straight again after each apex, which hampers any flow you might work up by taking advantage of the car’s long wheelbase.

It’s less pronounced at low speed in short, sharp corners (like turning at intersections), but it’s downright annoying on the open road.

The steering behaviour is better in the car’s sport mode, with a firmer weighting and a better ability to flow through corners, but then you have to have all the other Sport stuff (louder exhaust, crackly overrun, holding gears, sliding skid-control, sharp throttle response) all the time.

In Sport, though, there’s also a lot of bump nibbling in the steering, which just isn’t there on the more meandering default mode. And there’s no facility to mix and match the individual pieces of the chassis tune.

Regardless of which of those you decide is the lesser of the steering inadequacies for the situation, you’ll still be left with a handling package that feels heavy, rather than spirited, and competent rather than interested.

There’s some disappointment in that, because the packaging is interesting enough to fulfil the original brief. There’s 360 litres of luggage space in the back, or 1250 litres if the 40:20:40-split rear seats are folded down.

There’s realistically enough space for four adults, even for longer drives, and the cabin is quiet enough, too, even on the 17-inch 225/45 rubber.

There is also a lot of equipment on board, including air-conditioning, navigation, a host of assistance systems and a puddle light than can show up the MINI logo for about 20 seconds.

It’s just that a couple of very core things are not quite right with the Cooper SD Clubman ALL4, and one of them is the ALL4 bit.

The Clubman AWD isn't confirmed for Australia anyway, but if you’re heart is truly sold on a more practical MINI, you'll be better off taking the existing Clubman front-driver or waiting for the next Countryman.

2016 MINI Cooper SD Countryman ALL4 pricing and specifications:
Price: TBC
On sale: TBC
Engine: 2.0-litre inline turbo-petrol four-cylinder
Output: 140kW/400Nm
Transmission: Eight-speed automatic
Fuel: 4.0L/100km
CO2: 126g/km
Safety rating: TBC